I thought I knew myself better. I was sure that innocuous and frivolous were the terms that were closest to my existence and demeanour. Come what may, I knew I could withstand anything and everything. For me, emotions were nothing but a portrayal of human’s one of the abilities. But this was yesterday.
Having learnt about the intensity of pain just a cut to my niece brought makes me I guess the weakest person today. It took me a low-BP attack and several jerks to come to terms with her 1-cm cut. More than being considerate about my condition I was embarrassed. I couldn’t believe the way my body reacted to her shrieks. I scolded myself for being so fragile, for being so ignorant all this while and for awakening so late.
As I laid there on the gurney, wondering my humiliating setback, a sense of fear rushed through my body. The obviousness of the end with mortality suddenly embraced my thoughts. I was blank, feeling a gush of cold air during the hot, humid day of Jaipur. Somehow I couldn’t come to terms with the thought of losing my dear one at any given point of my life. I hate feeling helpless but that moment I couldn’t help but feel vulnerable. I was numb, but luckily my niece’s soft murmur yanked me from my dreaded thoughts. I saw her, but my eyes could just capture the wound. I knew the moment was far from over.
Next few hours were spent in anticipation of some antidote to the hundreds of dilemmas that bombarded into my head. I sought for nothing but nirvana.
We all know our destiny; difference only lies in the timeliness of the call. It doesn’t see who loves who and to what extent, who wants to live and who wants to take on the new role. Everyone will be THERE someday but we still wish to evade it somehow.
Today we may witness a platter of differences among us in terms of wealth, position and power, but the future holds the same for everyone. Love it and live it; realise your worth and make the most of your living because neither can you hide from it nor can you outrun it. Death will definitely be ours one day when the time comes calling—perhaps today, tomorrow or years later. This is why we run against time, reminding us of the clock that keeps ticking with every breath. In short this is life and its mesmerising, undeciphered ups and downs; you just got to play with it.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Death – A Helping Hand
Once someone said “It's no use reminding yourself daily that you are mortal: it will be brought home to you soon enough. Nature is a ruthless teacher.” Indeed it is. Fearing what I saw a couple of days ago makes me wonder how insignificant our life is to the ones unknown to us. It was insanely heartbreaking and mindboggling to see a man crushed under the truck while we returned from a good family outing. My mind helplessly choreographed what I dreaded the most for my loved ones. But just the thought gave me a painful shudder, forcing me to erase the memory of what I had just witnessed. It was a horrible sight.
Clearing the bottleneck after an hour of standstill traffic, we drove past the anxious faces of the cops and several rubbernecks. Inquisitive as always, although I wish I wouldn’t have been for that moment, I peeped through the window to get a clear view of the fuss that seemed to have got traffic all topsy-turvy. Never in my wildest imagination had I thought of witnessing something so unpleasant. In fact a car wreck was all I expected to see. But my horror began when our car drove parallel to a wet trail a truck had left. I saw what seemed like smashed tomatoes on the road. My heartbeat eased a little thinking there was no casualty but was obviously sorry for the poor farmer who had all his hard work in drain. But before I could settle with ease, I saw a man half covered in a sheet under the tyres of the same truck. I could see him, literally everted. And the worst, one of his legs was lying few metres away from his body. I couldn’t believe what I was looking at; shocked as hell, I didn’t want to see, yet I continued to stare. Then I remembered the tomatoes, which I had interpreted, instead they were lumps of the body which had been shredded into innumerable pieces. I was dumbfounded.
It had been several hours since that unfortunate event. But my eyes could still picture it clearly. I wanted to erase what I saw, what I was feeling and the thoughts of the mourning family. I was helpless, but memories came running back!
Since that day there have been many sleepless nights. Watching a man die in front of you and in such horrific manner makes you wonder the uncertainty of life. Today you smile but tomorrow you may lay buried somewhere six-feet under. In fact after your morning goodbyes to your loved ones, who knows if you would ever see them again. How does the wheel of life work? Who dies and who evades death? Why me? These unanswered questions may connote a helpless living but they do teach how one should be grateful of every single day.
From this incident, apart from learning worth of a human life, I realised that simplicity and untimely call of the death itself asks you to be grateful of the life you have received. No one is always happy, nor does good luck follow you all the time. But still you continue to breathe. So why not in a manner that makes you happy and complacent. Is it hard to live a content life or you choose to be unsatiated...always?
Clearing the bottleneck after an hour of standstill traffic, we drove past the anxious faces of the cops and several rubbernecks. Inquisitive as always, although I wish I wouldn’t have been for that moment, I peeped through the window to get a clear view of the fuss that seemed to have got traffic all topsy-turvy. Never in my wildest imagination had I thought of witnessing something so unpleasant. In fact a car wreck was all I expected to see. But my horror began when our car drove parallel to a wet trail a truck had left. I saw what seemed like smashed tomatoes on the road. My heartbeat eased a little thinking there was no casualty but was obviously sorry for the poor farmer who had all his hard work in drain. But before I could settle with ease, I saw a man half covered in a sheet under the tyres of the same truck. I could see him, literally everted. And the worst, one of his legs was lying few metres away from his body. I couldn’t believe what I was looking at; shocked as hell, I didn’t want to see, yet I continued to stare. Then I remembered the tomatoes, which I had interpreted, instead they were lumps of the body which had been shredded into innumerable pieces. I was dumbfounded.
It had been several hours since that unfortunate event. But my eyes could still picture it clearly. I wanted to erase what I saw, what I was feeling and the thoughts of the mourning family. I was helpless, but memories came running back!
Since that day there have been many sleepless nights. Watching a man die in front of you and in such horrific manner makes you wonder the uncertainty of life. Today you smile but tomorrow you may lay buried somewhere six-feet under. In fact after your morning goodbyes to your loved ones, who knows if you would ever see them again. How does the wheel of life work? Who dies and who evades death? Why me? These unanswered questions may connote a helpless living but they do teach how one should be grateful of every single day.
From this incident, apart from learning worth of a human life, I realised that simplicity and untimely call of the death itself asks you to be grateful of the life you have received. No one is always happy, nor does good luck follow you all the time. But still you continue to breathe. So why not in a manner that makes you happy and complacent. Is it hard to live a content life or you choose to be unsatiated...always?
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
My life – Neha Thapa
One lazy afternoon, as I idly sat at my workstation facing the Monday blues, my eyes fluttered with sleep of almost a decade. They desperately wandered in search of something interesting to keep themselves awake, but nothing seemed as appealing as a good warm winter nap. Then, as if epiphany struck me, I decided to utilize this time to think about how my life had been over the years. Part of me excitedly began recollecting the memories that competed to be revived, while the other mourned with the thought of facing the dreaded ones again. Yet here I am, doing what I think I am best at.
I remember, when I was a child I hated being a girl. I was oblivious of the existence of doll houses, nail paints, long hair, gossiping. It was like what rock music is to me now; could never get the head or tail of it. It was sports all the way. I loved playing and repelled books. It wasn’t that I did not like studying, but I never got time for it. In school, I carved my own niche with all the achievements in sports. Although wicked, but to me it brought immense pleasure to intimidate a race, knowing the results beforehand and the crowd cheering your name, I loved it all. But as time passed, I became aware of my other side. I became more and more inclined to God, His miracles and philosophies. I knew somehow I was different, maybe because I started thinking beyond my age. Becoming a vegetarian from a crazy meat-lover was the first step towards leading a life on my own terms. Well, some might find this irrelevant but I know if you are surrounded with hardcore non-veggies 24/7, most of your time is spent in controlling the tongue-wagging. That was the time I realised my strengths. Determination and will power seem to come easy to me. I had my own justification to the choices I made, which obviously boggled many. Also, when the world saw pleasure in indulging themselves into worldly habits, I developed distinct distaste towards them. Surprisingly I learnt the theory of Abstinence without being caught or spanked... However, I wouldn’t say I never have weak moments; when I see my friends enjoying their lives, even I think of being reasonable and acting my age. But, the fear never overgrew me. I was scared of breaking the promise to someone unknown...
Even today the life has been the same for me. Wake up, pray, work and sleep. I still haven’t been able to know how it feels to let go...yourself, your consciousness, and your ever-dictating brain. I wish I could, but deep inside I know even if that moment comes I wouldn’t be able to take the plunge. I have settled with thinking that there is no explanation to your beliefs, acts and conceptions. You just follow. But one thing is for sure, there is neither regret nor sadness. You learn to become content with what life hurls at you. I was never told to choose this path, rather there is no path, it is just a way of leading your life and knowing which turn in life you took!
I remember, when I was a child I hated being a girl. I was oblivious of the existence of doll houses, nail paints, long hair, gossiping. It was like what rock music is to me now; could never get the head or tail of it. It was sports all the way. I loved playing and repelled books. It wasn’t that I did not like studying, but I never got time for it. In school, I carved my own niche with all the achievements in sports. Although wicked, but to me it brought immense pleasure to intimidate a race, knowing the results beforehand and the crowd cheering your name, I loved it all. But as time passed, I became aware of my other side. I became more and more inclined to God, His miracles and philosophies. I knew somehow I was different, maybe because I started thinking beyond my age. Becoming a vegetarian from a crazy meat-lover was the first step towards leading a life on my own terms. Well, some might find this irrelevant but I know if you are surrounded with hardcore non-veggies 24/7, most of your time is spent in controlling the tongue-wagging. That was the time I realised my strengths. Determination and will power seem to come easy to me. I had my own justification to the choices I made, which obviously boggled many. Also, when the world saw pleasure in indulging themselves into worldly habits, I developed distinct distaste towards them. Surprisingly I learnt the theory of Abstinence without being caught or spanked... However, I wouldn’t say I never have weak moments; when I see my friends enjoying their lives, even I think of being reasonable and acting my age. But, the fear never overgrew me. I was scared of breaking the promise to someone unknown...
Even today the life has been the same for me. Wake up, pray, work and sleep. I still haven’t been able to know how it feels to let go...yourself, your consciousness, and your ever-dictating brain. I wish I could, but deep inside I know even if that moment comes I wouldn’t be able to take the plunge. I have settled with thinking that there is no explanation to your beliefs, acts and conceptions. You just follow. But one thing is for sure, there is neither regret nor sadness. You learn to become content with what life hurls at you. I was never told to choose this path, rather there is no path, it is just a way of leading your life and knowing which turn in life you took!
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