My life – Neha Thapa

One lazy afternoon, as I idly sat at my workstation facing the Monday blues, my eyes fluttered with sleep of almost a decade. They desperately wandered in search of something interesting to keep themselves awake, but nothing seemed as appealing as a good warm winter nap. Then, as if epiphany struck me, I decided to utilize this time to think about how my life had been over the years. Part of me excitedly began recollecting the memories that competed to be revived, while the other mourned with the thought of facing the dreaded ones again. Yet here I am, doing what I think I am best at.

I remember, when I was a child I hated being a girl. I was oblivious of the existence of doll houses, nail paints, long hair, gossiping. It was like what rock music is to me now; could never get the head or tail of it. It was sports all the way. I loved playing and repelled books. It wasn’t that I did not like studying, but I never got time for it. In school, I carved my own niche with all the achievements in sports. Although wicked, but to me it brought immense pleasure to intimidate a race, knowing the results beforehand and the crowd cheering your name, I loved it all. But as time passed, I became aware of my other side. I became more and more inclined to God, His miracles and philosophies. I knew somehow I was different, maybe because I started thinking beyond my age. Becoming a vegetarian from a crazy meat-lover was the first step towards leading a life on my own terms. Well, some might find this irrelevant but I know if you are surrounded with hardcore non-veggies 24/7, most of your time is spent in controlling the tongue-wagging. That was the time I realised my strengths. Determination and will power seem to come easy to me. I had my own justification to the choices I made, which obviously boggled many. Also, when the world saw pleasure in indulging themselves into worldly habits, I developed distinct distaste towards them. Surprisingly I learnt the theory of Abstinence without being caught or spanked... However, I wouldn’t say I never have weak moments; when I see my friends enjoying their lives, even I think of being reasonable and acting my age. But, the fear never overgrew me. I was scared of breaking the promise to someone unknown...

Even today the life has been the same for me. Wake up, pray, work and sleep. I still haven’t been able to know how it feels to let go...yourself, your consciousness, and your ever-dictating brain. I wish I could, but deep inside I know even if that moment comes I wouldn’t be able to take the plunge. I have settled with thinking that there is no explanation to your beliefs, acts and conceptions. You just follow. But one thing is for sure, there is neither regret nor sadness. You learn to become content with what life hurls at you. I was never told to choose this path, rather there is no path, it is just a way of leading your life and knowing which turn in life you took!